Olivia Stefanino's client finds herself feeling jealous of her partner's commitment to his career.

Heather had been married for a year – and was delighted that she was able to talk to her husband about nearly anything. Gazing wistfully out of the window, she reminisced about how she and her husband had fallen in love at first sight – and that after a six-week whirlwind romance, the couple had married.

However, as Heather continued her story, it was becoming clear that cracks were beginning to form in the marriage. Wisely, Heather had decided to seek help before matters got out of hand.

Heather’s husband Mike had a demanding and highly paid job with a major defence company. Much of his work was top secret – and this, combined with heavy amounts of international travel was causing Heather to feel both lonely and unhappy.

Admitting her increasing distress was hard for Heather who was used to being in charge of her emotions. “It sounds crazy,” she said, “but it feels as though I am actually jealous of Mike’s job!”

I reassured Heather that this was not uncommon – and that often the partners of workaholics experience the same negative emotions that are usually reserved for someone caught having an affair.

After some gentle questioning, Heather admitted that she hadn’t actually discussed how she was feeling with Mike. “It hardly seems fair – after all, he is working so hard to make sure that we have a fabulous lifestyle. He makes a lot of effort to show me that he loves me – it’s just that my life now seems so empty when he is not around. And he’s not around a lot of the time.”

I asked Heather about her own career. Having previously run a prestigious lingerie concession within a busy department store, Heather had given up her job when she married – to make sure she was free whenever Mike could arrange some spare time. Giving up her career had definitely been her decision – and with Mike’s large salary she had thought that it might be fun to be a “lady who lunches”.

However, the novelty had soon worn off – not least because most of her friends still worked and she had no one to spend time with during the working day. Quickly, she had also discovered that as well as missing the camaraderie she shared with her colleagues; she also felt that not having the routine of going to work left her with a feeling of purposelessness.

Now that Heather had finally admitted how she was feeling, she could clearly see the solution – to get back into the workplace. However, she didn’t relish telling Mike. Afraid he might feel that she was putting their relationship second by not making herself available whenever he had some free time, Heather also admitted that she felt guilty for not being happier with her lot.

It was becoming obvious that while Heather clearly loved her husband, since their marriage she had started to lose her confidence. We both recognised that before doing anything else, Heather needed to boost her self-esteem first.

Using my skills as a hypnotherapist, I took Heather on a 30-minute guided visualisation that helped her to both let go of her guilt and step into her space as an equal partner in her marriage. Heather also was able – in this light state of trance – to mentally rehearse the conversation that she needed to have with Mike.

At the end of the session, the colour had come back into Heather’s face and she readily admitted that she felt much stronger. “I now know that by not saying how I feel, it’s not fair to Mike. He has said several times that he is worried about me – and I think he will actually be relieved to know that the cause of my unhappiness is not him but my need to be gainfully employed!”

Heather – with a spring in her step - left my office smiling and fully prepared for her much-needed conversation with Mike.

* Olivia Stefanino is a leadership development consultant and executive coach, who works with blue chip organisations, SMEs and individuals. Download your free e-booklet “128 ways to harness your personal power” at beyourownguru.com.