First impressions really do count in business. You may only have one chance to get across your worth and your message to a new client. It's the same in interviews where the interviewer may quickly 'apply horns' or a 'halo' to you in the first seconds of you entering the room - the first 12 words and movements you make, count.

Having the best brain, product or service in the world is not enough. You must also possess the skills to create a bridge of communication with the people who need to know your value. Harvard University is credited with stating that career achievements are 80% determined by your soft skills and only 20% by your hard skills. Quite.

It's about gaining rapport with the audience, especially if that's an audience of just one. So there's you and A. N. Other, and you've a minute to persuade them that you’re someone to keep on their radar. What's the recipe?

 

It goes something like this:

Season this with just a few great questions and lots of listening skills - and adjust according to the other person's body language and reactions.

What's not in the recipe is anything to do with selling. 'Wanna buy a watch?' - No. A tsunami of uninvited sales patter? No. In fact, any behaviour that overwhelms the other person is out. Instead of drowning them in your message and persona, it's more about letting a playful tide wash up on the sand to tickle their feet and engage their genuine interest in you.

Enough metaphors. Your job as the person who wants to create a great impression is to be interested in them. Lean forward just very slightly, use eye contact, have a real smile (that includes the eyes, not just the mouth!), nod as they speak, use their name back to them and have warmth in your voice. Use the other person's name twice maybe - so they know you've acknowledged them too - but avoid overuse. Ever had one of those conversations with someone new that unnerved you:

Tim: Well Jane, it's so nice to meet you.

Jane: Thank you, Tim! And likewise. 

Tim: So, Jane, tell me why you wrote Play Nicely, eh, Jane The Author?

Jane: Wow. Well it occurred to me that the same rules that applied to us in the children's playground, still apply to us now we’re all grown up....

Tim: That's right Jane. You're right.

Hmm. Heading towards too many Janes, methinks.

There's absolutely no room for fakery when trying to impress someone. You know the expression: you have to be yourself (everyone else is taken). But that's fine. You as you is just the ticket.

However, our best route to rapport is to mostly listen whilst occasionally adding in a few questions that begin with What, When, Where or Who - and perhaps the odd How. None of those create closed questions; they all draw the other person out further. However, off the agenda are 'why questions'. Practice a few why questions on yourself (why are you wearing that today?) and you'll notice that they are invasive and they can back-foot the person being asked, causing them to have to explain personal reasoning.

 

Also avoid anything resembling "You know, what you should do is...". Ugh. Who wants a know-it-all who's just met you, thinking that they have come up with new strategies you haven't considered. It's most likely you have considered them already and if not, then it's annoying! If you get to know someone better, then later phrase your "Hmm, where you're going wrong..." and "What you should do..." thoughts as "How would it be if...". Much more palatable to receive!

It's all to do with being a calm, assertive, confident horse whisperer-type who is aiming to gain trust, respect and rapport, and that's easier said than done if you are not naturally calm, assertive or confident. For me? As a natural born Tigger who wants to hug, skip and laugh with everyone I meet, my learning curve is turn that dial down, because it can all be way too much for other people (especially strangers). Boing-boing-boing! No. Instead I must use my sensory acuity (all my senses) to initially take in and match how the other person is in terms of volume, energy, tone. 

What is your learning curve or 'growing edge'? We're all one long DIY project - working on the wonky bits until we get it right. But being able to create rapport is a project well worth working on. It's a skill that gains opportunities, helps people to open up to you and provides the gateway to friendship as well as sustainable business relationships. It's also a major skill to have as a parent, by the way - but it's not too shabby an ability if you want to renegotiate your salary either.