How did you feel when you read that heading? Is it hugely important to you that others are happy & succeed? Do you place real value on the opinions of others? Did you recall a time when you held back simply because you feared the reaction? Or did you feel frustrated with the question, that it would be better if we got on with our lives without worrying about other people?
If you are like me, you can probably recall times when your worries about the perceptions of others prevented you from doing something (wise or foolish). There will be memories of times when your focus on a goal meant that you forgot to look at another person's viewpoint & it all went horribly wrong. There will be happier memories too; the times when you just 'clicked' with other people & achieved something marvellous together.
I was thinking about this yesterday when my daughter turned 13 & 'officially' embarked on that bumpy path from childhood to becoming an adult. A time when that inner confidence we have as children is replaced by an insatiable need to belong.
What advice could I offer to help ease her passage? What would I want to tell my 13-year old self that would have helped me out? Heck what could I suggest to myself that would be useful to an L&D professional (aged of 41 & a quarter)?
In her book 'The Top 5 Regrets of the Dying', palliative carer Bonnie Ware lists this regret at number 1:
"I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me."
This is a wonderfully thought provoking statement; coming from hard won wisdom. I can see the appeal; taken at face value it is a very liberating idea. But is it right? Is it key to living a happy life; simply stop worrying about the thoughts of others?
Or does this regret come from an unhappiness with our lives, where we find it easier to regret decisions made, rather than actual actions taken?
It seems to me that the people who get the balance right are those who place the correct value on their own needs without forgetting the needs of others. Individuals who respect themselves whilst living by values that make others important too. These people know when to be brave & when to be humble. They know how to make others feel special because they already feel special themselves.
Maybe therein lies the advice to aspire to; respect yourself and then you can place the right amount of value on the thoughts & needs of others.
