Ok, I’ll admit, it’s an odd title for an article about development.
After all, isn’t that exactly what we’re supposed to do if we want to change and improve things?
Isn’t that what we’re taught from childhood?
“Never mind, try again.”
“If at first you don’t succeed…”
We instinctively associate trying with resilience, determination and grit.
But my experience as a coach has taught me something different.
Trying, especially trying hard, is often a poor way of changing anything.
Why trying doesn’t work
The problem with trying is not effort itself. It’s what that effort creates.
Trying generates tension. And tension works against the kind of relaxed concentration we actually need to make lasting change.
It becomes self-defeating. Like an insomniac trying to get to sleep. The harder you try, the less likely it is to happen.
This idea is not new. Timothy Gallwey described it decades ago in his Inner Game series of books where he suggests performance is reduced not by lack of effort, but by interference.
And “trying hard” is often just another form of interference.
Trying, especially trying hard, is often a poor way of changing anything
A quick experiment
We can test this. Try the following:
- Pick up your phone (or a pen)
- Now, do not pick it up
- Next, try to pick it up.
No, don’t actually pick it up. Just try.
If you follow that properly, you’ll notice something interesting.
Trying turns out to be a lot more like not doing than doing.
What actually creates change?
If trying doesn’t work, what does?
In my experience, the answer is awareness.
Simply becoming more aware of what’s happening tends to make change easier, and often automatic.
I often work with public speakers who know they overuse filler words: “You know”, “basically”, “obviously”, and so on.
When they try to eliminate them, they fail.
But when I remove the pressure and instead ask them to count how often they use those words, something shifts.
The behaviour starts to disappear. Why?
Because awareness allows them to notice the habit in time to interrupt it.
As psychoanalyst Fritz Perls said: “Trying fails. Awareness cures”,
What this means at work
This has important implications for how we manage and develop people.
Much of traditional management is built around encouraging people to “try harder”.
- Try to be more confident
- Try to communicate better
- Try to manage your time
- Try to improve your performance.
It sounds reasonable. It sounds supportive. But it often produces the opposite of what we want.
People become tense, self-conscious and overly focused on “getting it right”.
Which, ironically, makes improvement harder.
The coaching alternative
A coaching approach takes a different route. Instead of pushing for effort, it builds awareness.
Rather than saying:
“You need to try harder in meetings”
A coaching-style leader might ask:
“What do you notice about how you contribute in meetings?”
“When do you speak up most easily?”
“What’s happening just before you hold back?”
These questions increase insight instead of increasing pressure.
And insight tends to lead to lasting change more naturally than effort alone.
As psychoanalyst Fritz Perls said: “Trying fails. Awareness cures”
Awareness before action
This doesn’t mean action is unimportant.
It means action should come after awareness, not before it.
Too often, development conversations jump straight to solutions:
- Set a goal
- Create a plan
- Take action.
But if the underlying pattern hasn’t been understood, those actions rarely stick.
That’s why so many well-intentioned development plans fade away after a few weeks. There was effort and intent but what was missing was enough awareness.
A cultural implication
There’s also a broader cultural point here.
Organisations that over-emphasise effort can unintentionally create environments where people feel constant pressure to “do better” without fully understanding what’s driving their behaviour.
In contrast, cultures that value reflection and awareness tend to produce more sustainable improvement.
They create space for people to think, notice patterns and learn from experience.
Practical next steps
If you lead people, there are some simple shifts you can make:
1. Replace “try” with “notice”
Instead of asking someone to try harder, ask what they’re noticing about their behaviour or situation.
2. Slow the conversation down
Resist the urge to jump straight to solutions. Spend longer exploring what’s really going on.
3. Use simple awareness exercises
Counting, observing or reflecting on patterns is often more effective than setting targets.
4. Get comfortable with silence
Insight often appears in the pause, not in the next instruction.
In the end…
Effort has its place.
But when it comes to changing behaviour, it’s often overrated.
Awareness, on the other hand, is quietly powerful.
So the next time you find yourself, or someone else, trying very hard to change something…
It might be worth stopping and simply noticing what’s really going on.
Surely, it’s worth a try 😉
