A client at the iNLP Center said the following (and I got permission to post this): I'm a big dreamer. I always imagine myself being very successful if I take a certain path but I when I fail I get very disappointed when I don't meet those exceptions. How can I lower my expectations?
Here's how I replied!
It takes a self-aware, open-minded person to recognize a cause of emotional pain and understand what can be done about it. If nothing else comes of this, you’ve got that going for you:)
The other cool thing is that you don’t seem attached to positive culture dogma that nearly insists on big, fluffy, poorly-defined expectations of “more” ... that result in a crisis if you end up becoming one of the billions of average, ordinary people who have walked this earth. But shame on me for saying this! LOL.
Anyway, you’re asking a reasonable question that comes from a place of maturity, so congrats for that. Now, how do you lower your expectations? Here are some thoughts. Keep in mind we’re flying blind here - I have no idea what your expectations were!
You did use the word success, so let’s start to slice and dice. You pick the way that works best for you. But wait, there’s more! You can combine these tools to create your own custom solution!
Reduce the amount of success you expect of yourself. If you used to expect yourself to become rich and famous and leave a legacy of hope for millions, you can start to consider something like being a responsible person who contributes to your community in ways you find meaningful. Pay your bills. Save a little. Help others when you can. Relax and have a nice, quiet life.
Reduce the time frame in which you expect success. If you used to think you needed to accomplish a particular amount of success in a certain time frame, try extending that time frame. Double it. Triple it. Increase it by 50%. I don’t know, what helps?
Reduce the chunk size of what you take on at any given time. If you used to try to accomplish XYZ at once, then reduce it to XYz amount, or XY, or Xy, or xy. Or X or x. See what I mean? Do less at any given time and don’t forget to enjoy the process, which brings us to tool #4.
You should use tool #4 regardless of what else you decide to do. Separate your goals from your values. Accomplishing goals can lead to success and celebration. Living your values every day leads to fulfillment. Values represent what’s deeply important to you as a person. You deserve to be in touch with that every day, regardless of your success-oriented goals.
