Coaching conundrums: What to do when your client insists that someone else has to change

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June 23, 2009

Coaching conundrums: What to do when your client insists that someone else has to change

In this regular TrainingZone.co.uk feature, a ‘Coaching Conundrum’ - a situation which has left a coach puzzled - is examined by Paul Z Jackson and Janine Waldman of The Solutions Focus.

The problem according to your client is ‘someone else’. The conundrum for the coach is that we aren’t working with someone else – we’re working with our client. So at first sight this appears unpromising, looking as if there is nothing we can do. How to proceed? Take a look at the case example that follows:

Craig is the deputy principal at a university. He has come to coaching because his staff are not performing well enough.

Coach: What would you like to talk about today?

Craig: Well, the biggest problem I’ve got at the moment is Michael. He works for me and I need him to see that there is a problem here and that he needs to do things differently. I need him to change his behaviour.

If you were the coach, how would you respond? One tempting option is to explore what the ‘other person’ is doing and find out why it’s going so badly.

Coach: So, what is it that Michael’s doing that’s such a big problem?

Craig: He’s continually late for meetings and he shows no respect. The other day he moved an entire meeting without telling me, so I missed it. I looked really stupid as I’m his boss.

Here, by asking about Michael, the coaching session becomes about this other person, shifting our attention away from the client. If we take a more solutions-focused approach to this issue, we might find out more about what our client wants:

Coach: What do you want to talk about today?

Coach: Sounds like a tough situation. So tell me, what would be useful to you from our conversation today?

Craig: It would help if I could find a way to tell Michael that there’s a problem.

Coach: What is it that you want Michael to be doing?

Craig: I want him to see there’s a problem and for him to listen to me.

Coach: So what you want is …?

Craig: What I want is for him to do what I ask him.

Coach: So you’d like some ideas on how to get him to do what you ask?

Craig: Yes, that would be useful.

Coach: And if we come up with some ideas, do you think you might be prepared to try them out after this session?

Craig: Well yes, I’ve got to do something about this.

Craig is now a customer for change - he wants something to be different and is prepared to do something about it. The issue clearly ‘belongs’ to him and the conversation can now develop some ideas for Michael to try out. Another useful tack might be to check the client’s ability to change somebody else’s behaviour.

Coach: What do you want to talk about today?

Coach: OK, so I’m curious, when was the last time you changed somebody else’s behaviour?

Or:

Coach: OK, so on a scale from 0-10 where 10 is you are absolutely sure that between us now, in this conversation, we can change Michael’s behaviour, and 0 is that there is no way whatsoever that between us, in this conversation, we can change his behaviour - where would you place yourself now?

With both of these questions, if the client can say they have changed somebody’s behaviour then the coach can find out how this has been achieved. If the client has not changed people before or scales the possibility of this as low, this then enables the coach to ask what would be useful (given this information) to explore in the conversation. Again, the focus has moved back to the client and the area that he can influence.

What has worked for you as a coach when a client insists that someone else has to change?

As a coach, how often have you faced a difficult situation with a client when there appeared to be no way forward - or a choice of ways without it being clear which would be best?

Paul Z Jackson and Janine Waldman of The Solutions Focus share with us those moments when a coach has a tough choice of what to say or do during a session - and they offer some ideas for resolving the situation.

“Our view of what’s useful will reflect our own approach, which is to take a ‘solutions focus’. This is a pragmatic and minimal approach which unearths what a client wants, what resources they have available and then encourages them to take small steps in the desired direction,” say Paul and Janine.

“Of course, we can’t say for sure which approach or particular choice would be best in any given conundrum but we hope the advice offered will help coaches think about how they would respond in a similar situation. We also hope that this will stimulate debate amongst the coaching community, so if you want to suggest a different way of handling the given challenge, please add your comments.”

While each Coaching Conundrum is based on a real case, we will preserve the anonymity of all clients and their organisations.

If you’d like a live Coaching Conundrums event to develop the coaching skills in your organisation or team - including dramatised coaching sessions - please call Janine on 01727 840 340 or email [email protected] Or let us know if you are interested in joining us for our one-day Coaching Conundrum session near London in October.

To read the last coaching conundrums click on these titles:

Coaching conundrums: What to do when your client isn't willing to make progress?

Coaching conundrums: What to do when your client is feeling defeated by the recession

Coaching conundrums: What to do when you think your client is not telling you the truth?

Coaching conundrums: What to do when a client proposes action that you think won't help?

Coaching Conundrums: What to do with a client who is unhappy at being sent for coaching?