As an ally, I, by definition, don’t have the lived experience of someone from the queer community. 

I have been an ally to this community for 30 years, and consider myself to be empathetic and although I have not experienced prejudice for my sexuality and gender choices, I have both witnessed and experienced hatred just for being. 

Overcoming hatred and building bridges

In the 1980s, at one of my first jobs, one of my colleagues would make hissing noises whenever he saw me. When I asked him why, he said it was the noise of the gas chambers and it was a shame Hitler missed some.

I grew up in Hackney, as a member of the secular Jewish community, and antisemitism was rife. 

It was at the height of the National Front Movement, and my family and friends were targeted with vile comments and prejudice regularly. 

This has led to a lifetime conviction of fighting against mindless hatred in all of its insidious guises, and a desire to build bridges, and to explain to people how so called casual antisemitism should be recognised and called out. 

We must learn from the lessons of history and ensure that the roots of hatred are not allowed to flourish and become entwined in our society

Learning from the lessons of history 

For me, the connection with the gay community is not only my lifelong friendships and work relationships, it has been informed by the knowledge that in the 1930s and 40s, gay people and Jews were systematically murdered in Nazi Germany. 

Just as the Jews were forced to wear the yellow star, so gay men were forced to wear ‘die Rosa-Winkel’; a pink triangle to signify their supposed shame.

History has shown us where hatred of this kind ends.

We must learn from the lessons of history and ensure that the roots of hatred are not allowed to flourish and become entwined in our society. 

Standing for it is supporting it

Each and every one of us should call out when we hear casual homophobic comments. 

With this in mind, I have always understood and supported the Pride Movement. 

I understand its inception as a protest. I understand the importance of visibility, as well as the joyous nature of people from all communities coming together to celebrate the things that unite us. 

For me, it’s the humour, irreverence, fashion and music, and experiencing a joie de vivre unlike any other that makes my friendships within the LGBTQ+ community so rich and rewarding.

The joy of chosen family

Many of these relationships have transcended friendship, and I am privileged to consider people from within the LGBTQ+ community part of my chosen family.

It’s the notion of chosen family that I particularly want to focus on during Pride month. 

For many people who identify as LGBTQ+, the concept of family can be difficult and full of trauma, with bitter memories of fractured relationships, guilt and disappointment, blame and resentment. 

Even as today’s society becomes more accepting and inclusive, declaring your sexuality and gender to your natural family is not easy, and many people have sad stories to tell of this time.

For me, it’s the humour, irreverence, fashion and music, and experiencing a joie de vivre unlike any other that makes my friendships within the LGBTQ+ community so rich and rewarding

A two-way street

Against this backdrop, it is natural that the community seeks meaningful and loving relationships with people who share the same values and create families of their own choosing. 

What is often missed is that as an ally, the rewards work both ways. 

My personal experiences have informed all that I do at Pride 365, namely the importance of dialogue, understanding and close long-term relationships, both within one’s place of work and in wider society. 

We are all human. We are fathers, mothers, brothers, sisters, grandparents, aunts, uncles and friends. 

More than just a month

Let’s not allow ignorance to get in the way of building a fierce human family that supports equality, inclusion and peace. 

Everyone who reads this article will have noticed that during this month, Pride month, seemingly every company on the planet is swearing undying love, loyalty and respect for the LGBTQ+ community. 

Whilst I hope this is true, what really matters is that this recognition of the importance of the LGBTQ+ community as valued staff members, clients, and customers is maintained throughout the year ahead. 

What really matters is that this recognition of the importance of the LGBTQ+ community as valued staff members, clients, and customers is maintained throughout the year ahead

Spreading kindness is your personal duty

Let’s use Pride month as a catalyst for real and sustained change, 365 days a year.

This Pride month I would like each of you to think about who you can provide support with love, kindness and friendship, because not only will you help make our society a better one, but your own life will be enriched significantly too.

If you enjoyed this, read: How to make your organisation more inclusive for nonbinary people