In my many years working with leaders and managers who want to adopt a coaching mindset, I’ve come across a surprising truth: the real challenge in coaching isn’t grasping the new techniques or frameworks; it’s letting go of old habits. Too often, I’ve seen leaders eager to gain tools for coaching only to find the true challenge is relinquishing their deep-rooted need for control.
This isn't to say that these leaders are intentionally domineering. They’re often skilled, high-achieving individuals who have climbed the ladder precisely because they know how to get things done. They’ve built success on their ability to make quick decisions and give directions. But, as any seasoned coach will tell you, coaching is a mindset shift – a transition from directive to facilitative leadership – and it doesn’t happen just by picking up a few new skills.
Let it be – An ode to micromanagers
Many leaders – knowingly or unknowingly – carry an ingrained belief that to be effective they need to control the details. They’ve been conditioned to think their job is to “drive results” and “make the number,” often by closely overseeing processes and people. But effective coaching is more about fostering trust, autonomy, and a culture of learning – none of which can be achieved if the leader is gripping the reins too tightly.
One manager I worked with, let’s call her Zara, was renowned for her quick thinking and decisive nature. Her team respected her knowledge and experience, but they also braced themselves for her tendency to micromanage.
She was genuinely enthusiastic about adopting a coaching approach, but when it came to practical application, she struggled. She wanted her team members to grow, but when push came to shove, she’d step in to ‘help’ by offering solutions or making decisions on their behalf. Sound familiar?
I reminded Zara of the old coaching adage: "The best help you can offer is often no help at all." She laughed, but I could see the shift as she realised that her helpfulness was sometimes a barrier to her team’s growth. Coaching requires a certain level of letting go – and that’s much harder to learn than any new coaching technique.
Allowing team members to struggle a little before stepping in is counter-intuitive and can feel risky, but it’s a necessary step.
Start small
Implementing a fully hands-off approach from the off can feel overwhelming. Instead, start small.
- Choose low-risk projects or routine tasks and actively resist the urge to micromanage]
- Give team members the autonomy to make decisions, even if they don’t do things exactly as you would
- Example: Let your team handle the planning of weekly meetings without your input. It’s a small step, but it sets the tone for greater independence
Ask, don’t tell
Coaching is not about giving answers – it’s about asking questions that guide others to discover solutions for themselves. By shifting from ‘telling’ to ‘asking’, leaders can begin to create a safe space for their team members to share insights and problem solve independently.
In Zara’s case, instead of directing her team on how to handle a difficult client, she began to ask questions like, “What do you think would help the client feel appreciated?” This change encouraged her team to think critically and creatively.
Resist the temptation to ‘save’ employees
For most leaders, the hardest part of coaching is embracing the discomfort that comes with not knowing the answer – or withholding it if they do. Allowing team members to struggle a little before stepping in is counter-intuitive and can feel risky, but it’s a necessary step.
After all, growth often happens when we face challenges head-on. Leaders like Zara who can resist the temptation to ‘save’ their team members, usually find their team’s problem-solving skills and confidence grow in leaps and bounds.
Look beyond targets
To achieve the promise of coaching shift the measure of success. In a coaching culture, success isn’t just about meeting targets; it’s about creating empowered, engaged team members who can think for themselves.
As Zara learned to define success by her team’s growth rather than her control over outcomes, she found herself genuinely celebrating her team’s wins – a sign of a transformed leader.
When leaders make an intentional effort to step back, it signals trust and respect.
Address trust issues
Often, the need for control stems from a lack of trust in team members or even the leader themselves. Those who feel a strong need for control may have an underlying fear of failure or doubt about their team’s capabilities. You need to address these underlying beliefs to create a coaching-friendly environment.
The fear of “getting it wrong” dissipates in a team environment where people feel trusted, and this shift starts with the leader’s willingness to let go.
Intentionally step back
Leaders often worry that they will appear ‘hands-off’ or that their team members will interpret their new approach as a lack of interest. I’ve often found the opposite to be true.
When leaders make an intentional effort to step back, it signals trust and respect. To support this, regular conversations about coaching intentions can help. Explain the ‘why’ behind this change to the team and share that you’re trying a new approach to encourage their growth.
For Zara, initiating regular one-on-one check-ins where she simply asked how she could support her team members without any agenda helped reinforce this new culture. Her team, in turn, took more ownership and became more proactive in seeking out solutions.
Remember, it’s what you STOP doing that matters in coaching
The journey to becoming an effective coach is rarely straightforward. Leaders often face moments of doubt or temptation to slip back into old habits. But for those who persevere, the rewards are worth it. As leaders like Zara have found, letting go doesn’t mean relinquishing responsibility; it means allowing others to step up. It’s a process of unlearning, not adding, and it requires just as much courage as learning any new skill.
The most fulfilling moment for Zara came not when her team met a quarterly target, but when a team member told her, “I now feel like you really believe in us.” For any leader who is serious about empowerment, there is perhaps no greater accomplishment.
In the end, if you’re a leader looking to integrate coaching into your management approach, remember: the true test is not in what you start doing, but what you stop. As we let go of control, we make room for our teams to thrive, and that’s where the power of coaching truly begins.
