Mismanaged or poorly handled conflict can result in significant financial repercussions for your business. 

According to an Acas report, the estimated annual cost of conflict in the UK amounts to £28.5 billion. 

However, the effects on individuals and the organisational culture could be even more profound. 

Framing and facilitation for healthy disagreements

Healthy disagreements about tricky DE&I subjects usually have to be framed and may need to be facilitated to find a shared objective.  

When there is mistrust, misrepresentation and strong feelings a skilled facilitator or negotiator can really help us achieve our objectives. The starting position is to get willing parties around the table.  

You can’t brush conflict under the carpet, but some arguments have no practical consensus.  

In a compromise, everyone feels like they are losing something. We need to accept we have different starting points and protected beliefs and let go of the challenges of the past to create a combined vision for the future and navigate that vision together. Here are key strategies for addressing inclusion-related conflict.

When there is mistrust, misrepresentation and strong feelings a skilled facilitator or negotiator can really help us achieve our objectives. The starting position is to get willing parties around the table

1. Respectful opinion sharing, open dialogue and encouragement

Listen actively and attentively to the thoughts and viewpoints of others, fostering a culture of understanding and empathy. 

Enter into these conversations with respect for others’ views, reasons, lived experiences and problems to be able to share your own.  

It is very possible to have a willingness to accept someone’s reasons without having to agree with the final outcome of their belief.  

2. Are you coming from a position of privilege?

If you have been marginalised it can be hard to not feel dictated to by someone with privilege. 

We need to be very conscious of others’ lived experiences and our own privileges. 

It can be very difficult for marginalised people to negotiate when they think you don’t care about them. 

More often than not indifference comes from not knowing what someone else has had to go through but most of us have our own causes to fight so can feel empathy when we stop to think about it.

It is very possible to have a willingness to accept someone’s reasons without having to agree with the final outcome of their belief

3. Understand your reactions to gain control of your behaviour

Understanding yourself and knowing how you react in situations of conflict can help you to be more in control of your behaviour and know what to do next time. 

Are there any other factors involved that could explain your own and the other person’s reaction to conflict such as a build-up of stress, miscommunication or past experience? 

When emotion is high, logic is low, and we are unlikely to respond favourably to anyone who tries to get us to see things in a more rational light.

4. ‘Speak from the scar, not the wound’

Angry activists are rarely as effective in the workplace as an educator who wants to create change.  

Move from a position of anger to discussion and negotiation. Anger creates conflict and is rarely productive. 

Understanding yourself and knowing how you react in situations of conflict can help you to be more in control of your behaviour and know what to do next time

5. Create a clear work culture

It is vital to create a culture where respect for people’s opinions is held high and clear ground rules are set out about what is acceptable and what isn’t.  

If it is clear what the company believes in and it has a strong stance then you can reference that ‘that is not what we do here’, which sets a framework for boundaries. 

We need to coexist without having an argument but whilst always having conversations. 

We don’t have to agree or even empathise, but we need to create a level of understanding and make sure it is known that each of us is not a threat. 

6. Diversity and difference are valuable

Faced with conflict, our natural tendency is to try to persuade or to force the other to change their mind, attitude or behaviour, rather than educate with dignity about any differences between us.  

We need diversity because it adds value and helps us to grow. The world outside needs to be represented in the workplace for the good of everyone.  

If it is clear what the company believes in and it has a strong stance then you can reference that ‘that is not what we do here’, which sets a framework for boundaries

7. Winning is actually losing

Our innate drive to emerge triumphant in arguments or conflicts stems from our biological inclination to ensure survival, as unresolved disputes can leave us feeling unsettled. 

For many individuals, winning signifies validation of their correctness, but it fails to effectively address the conflict, potentially leaving others feeling disadvantaged. 

By reframing conflict as a quest for resolution, all parties can experience a sense of benefit and satisfaction.

8. Look forward

Share your story, separate the people from the problem and focus on the future rather than the past.  

People need to feel safe and have a sense of belonging at work. Work can be a sanctuary to create a safe space, educate and learn.

9. Listen and don’t assume

If we don’t really listen to one another and we don’t ask questions of the speaker, we interpret what they’ve said. 

This results in a conversation edited by our own judgements, perspective, assumptions and biases, which hinders the process of resolving conflicts as it leads to conversations that have been edited and filtered through our own subjective lens. 

Two individuals can hold contrasting perspectives on a given situation. The lens through which we perceive and interpret events is shaped by factors such as religious values, beliefs, experience, professional expertise, and attitudes influenced by age, gender, sexuality and race.

Faced with conflict, our natural tendency is to try to persuade or to force the other to change their mind, attitude or behaviour, rather than educate with dignity about any differences between us

10. Be a changemaker 

By engaging in empathy and storytelling, we can still foster change and create new narratives that transcend our pre-existing frames of reference. 

It is never too late to expand our knowledge and understanding.

11. Ask for a mediator or facilitator

If direct, face-to-face communication is no longer possible and overwhelming mistrust and suspicion have manifested, the human, work culture and financial damage and costs will escalate. 

A mediator can facilitate better communication and resolve conflict.

If you enjoyed this, read: Engaging men with diversity, inclusion and equality